Come Mother’s Day, shop windows light up, Instagram floods with floral tributes, and families gather for meals out. But when Father’s Day approaches, especially within South Asian households, the mood is noticeably quieter.
Where are the WhatsApp statuses? The pre-planned surprises? The heartfelt captions?
For many in the South Asian community, the father is seen as the disciplinarian, the financial provider, a symbol of strength rather than softness. But in a world where generational roles are shifting, is this image still accurate? And more importantly, are we celebrating our fathers the way they deserve?
In many South Asian communities, the image of the father has long been cast in stone. He is the head of the household, the ultimate decision-maker, the man who bears the weight of everything but rarely speaks about it. He provides. He protects. But he seldom pauses to say, “I love you.” Or so we assume. For generations, South Asian fathers have demonstrated love through action, rather than affection. Their presence was not always soft, but it was always steady.
Across South Asian faiths, especially in Islamic tradition, great importance is given to both parents. A well-known hadith reminds us that heaven lies beneath the feet of our mothers. But another, lesser-spoken narration says, “The father is one of the gates to Paradise.” The father holds an honoured place, yet the public celebration of that role remains far more muted.
Perhaps that silence comes from distance, not disregard. Fathers in South Asian households are often the first to leave the house in the morning and the last to return. While mothers hold emotional space in their children’s lives, fathers carry the weight of financial burdens, societal expectations, and generational responsibility. Their love, though real, is quiet.
But that quiet does not mean it is any less deep.
One university student from Pakistan, now living in Bradford, spoke with warmth when reflecting on her father. “I grew up in a village where girls weren’t encouraged to study abroad. But my father told me to go. He gave me that chance, and today I am here because of him. If I ever get another life, I will choose him again.”
Her eyes lit up when asked whether he expressed his love. “Yes,” she said without hesitation. “With words, with actions. If we needed anything, he tried to make it happen. He told us to talk to him about everything. That’s how he showed his love.”
Her story offers a quiet rebellion against the stereotype of the emotionally distant South Asian father. In her home, her father was both strong and soft, a man of words as well as action.
Another young man from Kerala, South India, now living in Bradford, also spoke candidly. “I’m very close to my father. He’s like a friend. He’s shown us emotion, even cried in front of us.” When asked if he feels pressure to embody the ‘strong, responsible provider’ image when he becomes a father, he paused. “I don’t know if I can be like him. He handled everything. I’m not there yet.”
His words reflect a generational shift: younger South Asians are open to discussing fatherhood, emotion, and vulnerability, but they also carry the weight of comparison to a previous generation defined by endurance and silence.
One father in Bradford reflected that his own father was very strict, but his aura demands respect, not because he forced it, but because he earned it through a life of responsibility and sacrifice. Another Bradford man agreed that his wife gets more attention on Mother’s Day than he does on Father’s Day. Laughing, he admitted, “If I’m being honest, I feel a tiny bit sad but I know my kids love me.”
It is this contrast between generations that stands out most. While many older South Asian men were taught to love in silence, their children are now asking questions, opening conversations, and expressing emotions that were once buried under duty and discipline.
And yet, despite these evolving dynamics, Father’s Day continues to feel like an afterthought. Unlike Mother’s Day, which is celebrated with multiple dates across countries and cultures, Father’s Day arrives quietly on the third Sunday of June internationally. Many of the young people interviewed in Bradford did not even know the date.
One girl admitted, “I start planning for Mum’s gift weeks in advance because she once got upset that I didn’t get her something. For Dad, it’s usually a card, maybe a hug. That’s it. He is happy in just that.”
Retail data backs this up. According to GlobalData in the UK, Mother’s Day consistently generates significantly higher retail spending than Father’s Day. While Mother’s Day spending has been projected to reach £2.4 billion, Father’s Day is expected to reach £1.12 billion. Despite a slight increase in Father’s Day spending, it remains considerably lower than Mother’s Day.
But perhaps things are beginning to shift. More South Asian fathers are now visible at school gates. Some are taking paternity leave. Others are choosing to work remotely or restructure their hours to spend more time with their families. Emotional labour is slowly becoming genderless, even in homes where tradition once ruled with a firm hand.
Another girl from Pakistan living in Bradford reflected on what she wants in a future partner. “I want my husband to be like my father,” she said. “But my dad is 60. My future husband will be 23. There’s a gap. It takes time, experience. You learn how to love better with time.”
As we approach Father’s Day, maybe it is time to look again at the men who raised us. The ones who left early in the morning so we could have packed lunches. The ones who never said “I’m proud of you” but wore that pride like a second skin every time someone mentioned our name.
Maybe the question is not whether they showed love. Maybe the question is whether we ever looked closely enough to see it.
And if the idea of the South Asian father is changing, who gets to shape what that new version looks like?
As Father’s Day approaches, these are the questions lingering between old silence and new voices waiting, perhaps, for someone to finally say what was never said enough.
Glossary:
Hadith- Refers to the sayings, actions, and approvals of the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) that have been recorded and passed down through generations, serving as a source of guidance for Muslims.
